Adventures in Online Dating - Tuna Girl

I know I've talked about this girl in the past but I think it was just to mention how this nickname came up. This was the girl that wanted to create tuna farms and I suggested she could feed them mayonnaise so customers would save time not having to do it themselves. She missed the Night Shift joke but odds are, not many people would have. 

Anyway, we met on Match. I was still living in Riverside at the time and she was living in Huntington Beach. Actually, her place turned out being right around the corner from that duplex I had moved to in 2014.  She was long gone by then though. 

She was studying marine biology and working part time at the aquarium. Not the one in Long Beach, another one. She told me but it's been 8 years, I've got a great memory but there's minutia that's going to slip my mind eventually. CABRILLO!!! Fuck, how did I remember that!? 

Anyway, Tuna Girl and I chatted up for a couple of weeks before we meet up for a date. HB at that restaurant on the sand just below Duke's. I'm sure I don't recall what it was called at the time, that place changes names at least once every other year. But, I picked her up, went to dinner, I chewed with my mouth closed and everything. We went for a stroll along the sand and eventually I drive her back to her place, we could have walked, if you remember how close that duplex was to the beach, and just as I pull up to drop her off, what started as a goodnight kiss turned into a full-on make out session. Aggressive make out session, heavy petting turned into groping make out session. I think we had a pretty good connection. We said we'd meet again soon and sure enough, we set a date for the following Thursday night. I'll make the drive, yes! 

Here's where it starts to get weird. She wanted to be fair and not make me drive all the way out there again. She wanted to be fair and at least meet me halfway. We agreed to something at Downtown Disney but I still ended up picking her up, just to drive back to Anaheim. I'll be taking her home later and eventually drive myself home but yeah, that's fair!  Lol 

Picked her up, wandered around DTD for a while and we go have dinner at the House of Blues. She had surf and I had turf. Both of our dinners had something pungent but I honestly didn't think about it at the time. Eventually we drive back to her place and just as we pull up, heavy make out session Round 2 begins. It's a good while before we really start to say goodnight and this is where we start to talk. 

I thought it was funny that she mentioned the garlic I had in my steak. I joked about the herbs she had on her salmon but she wasn't laughing. Things got suddenly serious. Her body language was proof at how uncomfortable she was getting. She said she always ends up picking the wrong kind of guy. 

The.

What? 

You know how in movies when someone says something so unexpected, the volume drops and everything else sounds like you're hearing it through a wall. It all sounds muffled, nothing but the low notes on the register?  Yeah, it really got like that. She kept talking but I couldn't hear her anymore. Somewhere in the background, I could hear swing music that had been playing across the car stereo. 

For everything I thought, felt, we connected on. And the obvious mutual physical attraction, I'm the wrong kind of guy? 

With Friends Like These... Vol. VII

 It's taken me a while to get around to writing about this one mostly because there's a lot of history.  A LOT of history.  Like, 10 years worth to unpack.  So this story may start to meander simply because it's a sprawl.  I'll try to keep it at least cohesive but who knows how it'll turn out once I get it all out there.  And again, there's a lot out there.  

This girl, and I avoid mentioning her name because there's a handful of mutual friends between us to this day but considering it's also 10 years to go over, odds are anyone who even passingly knew us during this period are probably going to quickly deduce whom I'm speaking of.  Hell, this preamble may be enough for some to already have an idea about whom this is about.  

But I met this girl through a meetup group shortly after moving to Orange County.  Honestly, at the time I didn't know how close we'd eventually become, she was just another girl in the group.  And I even showed up with a different girl whom I'd met at a previous event with this same group.  This girl and I didn't even really talk much with one another that night at the pool hall but over the course of the next few months, we started pairing off more and more often.  Eventually going to pub quiz events she'd organize where we would spend hours talking and soon enough, gossiping about other members of the group.  Who was hooking up with whom, who were the desperate people trying to hook up with anyone, etc.  Oh come on, if you've been to any Meetup event, I'm sure you quickly realized many of these groups had become dating pools.  Guys and girls.  But this girl and I, we just sort of laughed and mocked them all.  And ended up even spending a lot of time with one another apart from the group itself.  So much so that a LOT of people thought WE were dating, that we had become an item.  

What's important to note here is that, at this time in my life, recently having moved to Huntington Beach, my dating life EXPLODED!  I'm not saying this as any kind of brag or boast but simple matter of fact that, without even really trying, I was meeting/seeing/going out with/hooking up with a new girl every few weeks.  A few stretches in that summer of 2010, there were times when I'd be on a handful of different dates multiple times in a week.  Some ended early in the evening, some ended much later at night, some back at my place, etc...  So it was during this time when I sort of made a decision to just enjoy being single.  To not commit myself to anyone for the time being.  

That decision actually ended up frustrating a handful of girls that, in my mind, were simply just friends.  I'm pretty sure a few of them wanted to develop something more that I wasn't interested in.  But this girl, to my knowledge, wasn't one of them.  She was cool just hanging out.  Despite outward appearances.  I know I got plenty of my friends asking about this girl I was 'dating.'  And I'd correct them.  She even told me at one point that summer, when her mom was on vacation and trying to locate her, mom stalked my Facebook page to see if she was with me that night.  I thought that was hilarious.  Her own mother thought we were a thing and checked my social media to see where we were since she couldn't get a hold of her.  

Now, don't get me wrong, she was an attractive girl.  Definitely my type (no, she wasn't a redhead!)  But as I said, I just wasn't looking for a commitment at the time.  And she was cool with that, I figured.  

At one point, she even started seeing one of the guys from the group and I was genuinely happy for her.  Until we all found out this dude was literally going through meetup group after meetup group just hooking up with girls randomly and bailing after a few dates.  Smash and grab, you could call it.  

We stayed friends through the years and she met pretty much every girl I dated when I did finally start to actively seek relationships.  Although I'm sure MANY of those girls I dated were jealous of our friendship.  Insecurities, clearly.  That there's a girl out there who knows me better than they did, has known me longer and their imaginations start to take flight.  Once, my friend pointblank asked me if a girl I was dating 'hated' her.  I couldn't deny it but I tried to soften the blow.  But there's just so much you can say when it was obvious.  Girlfriend was the jealous type and proud of it.  She once said that a little jealousy in a relationship is a good thing.  I'll give you a few minutes to unpack that.  lol.  This was also a girl who, at a welcome back party for my friend, as I'm talking to another girl I hadn't seen in over a year, my GF wraps her hand around the back of my neck and starts to twist my head to face her and plants the biggest, sloppiest kiss she's ever given me.  Intentionally interrupting my conversation in the process.  I think the next step would have been for her to pee on me to mark her territory.  But I digress.  

My friend and I, over the years, shared many late nights out drinking in various bars and clubs here in Newport and HB, oftentimes we, just the two of us, would end up laying out on the sidewalk in front of her dad's condo staring out at the stars while we waited to sober up enough to head in or drive home.  There were a handful of times however, that maybe our binge drinking upset her.  In that, a few times I had way too much to drink.  "What?!  You?! No.  I cannot believe it."  You must be saying to yourself.  Yes, it's true.  I may have tipped back a few too many and just wasn't in any condition to drive.  So I naturally assumed I could just crash out on the couch.  Countless friends of mine had done the same at my place.  If you know the maroon couch, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  
Anyway, I assumed I could just crash out there until I could sober up and head home.  But there was one night at her dad's place.  Despite my condition, I could still recall what was going on and what was being said.  Another friend of hers was hanging out late and it was the three of us at that point.  Me on the couch and the two of them in the kitchen and through moments of clarity, I could hear them talking and he was asking/suggesting if she and I were going to be getting busy later.  I couldn't see her from where I was sitting but I could 'hear' her violently shaking her head, scrunching up her face in disgust at the thought.  He laughed and was gone maybe 20 minutes later.  She finally came over and sat on the chair next to the couch.  She hemmed and hawed a bit before she finally blurted out, "So are you planning on staying?  It's not that I mind, I just would have liked it if you had asked first..."  Obviously she did mind, otherwise she never would have asked.  I could barely stand but part of me, in the back of my mind, the semi-sober part at least, was a little hurt that she brought this up.  Much less, in my current state.  I honestly considered getting up, putting my shoes back on and heading downstairs to sleep it off in my car instead.  But my mind and body weren't going to cooperate with one another at that particular time.  I think that was the start of the way our friendship was going to change from there on.  

Over the years, others still continued to ask why we weren't an item.  But eventually, we just started to drift apart.  She went to study overseas for a year or so and when she came back, despite her proximity, she felt distant.  She moved out of state to find work shortly afterwards but moved back when it wasn't working out.  By the time she came back the second time, it just wasn't the same.  When I tried to schedule a night out or even just something small to hang out, she blew it off, didn't even respond.  

When my birthday came around in 2020, I naturally invited her.  She gave a weak excuse about being busy but she'd try to meet up at one of my stops.  The night of, I never heard from her.  Come to think of it, that was about our last exchange before the world stopped.  For whatever her reasons were, she was done with me.  I truly loved this girl, as a friend.  And even though I do think of her from time to time, it was her decision to cut me out of her life.  

With Friends Like These... Vol. VI

What started as a simple Facebook post really started to run away from me once I really got traction.

 It's funny in that it's happened OFTEN when, I'll be friends with a girl. We both acknowledge we're just friends but, we spend so much time hanging out and doing things together that others just assume we're a couple. And every single time someone, friends, family or even random strangers comment about us being involved as more than friends, my friend would immediately correct them. It doesn't bother me since I know the reality and, especially when it's a stranger, they're never going to see us again so who cares what they think?

Apparently my friend(s) did. One girl even berated me on the way back to her place from an afternoon with my family.

"You've told them we're not dating, right!? They know we're not a couple!"

"I've told them before, I shouldn't have to remind them every time I see them."

Or another girl when her friends comment on a photo of us on social media.

"I can't wait to meet your fella!"

I can only imagine how quickly the DM to correct that was sent out.

But even more ridiculous than their denial of a romance, the time these friends heard it from me that I'm not interested in anything more than being friends... Oh, they don't handle that well at all.

The aforementioned friend who had that insistence to my family? One of the last times we hung out, we were at her place for a bit and I told her outright, "I love you, love your daughter, think your family is pretty awesome. But we are never going to be a couple." You see, she and I did give it a go years before. But I realized after a while that, despite our friendship and how great we got along, how much we synched on a lot of levels, as a couple, we were toxic. It gets ugly and after we break up, it would take months before we would speak to one another and rekindle our friendship. That day, I told her in no uncertain terms, I couldn't go through that again and damage our friendship when the romance falls apart again, like it always did.

She hasn't spoken to me in over 4 years.

So odd that I told her exactly what she was demanding I tell others and that was her breaking point.

Another former friend, I think she secretly loved the idea of keeping me as her platonic friend because I was once interested in dating her. Her needy nature enjoyed the attention and having a guy around for her adventures. All the benefits of being in a relationship without those pesky feelings and intimacy getting in the way. But as soon as I started openly talking about my interest in other women, she didn't handle that well. Eventually accusing me of wildly various atrocities and that I was potentially a pedo. Yeah, that one was seriously a WHAT THE FUCK!?! moment for me at the time.

I always knew she was unstable, should probably visit a therapist and seek professional help but that was beyond the pale even for her.

World's Greatest Detective?

On the eve of the release of the latest in the Batman franchise gets me to thinking about just how the conceit of masked vigilantes on this scale could only exist in comic books and the entertainment media. 

Granted when superheroes in the comic strips comic pages first came to life back in the '30s and '40s America was a vastly different country. So much so that yes it's entirely likely police could have used the assistance of a billionaire Playboy who dressed up as a bat to strike fear in the hearts of criminals but was also "The world's greatest detective." That is something that is obviously continue to be minimized as the Batman continues to propagate in pop culture. In the Michael Keaton era Batman his detective work involved figuring out what the smilex products were and how their combinations prove deadly. In the sequel his detective work involved finding out who Oswald cobblepot really was and what he was doing looking through the birth records of Gotham. In the follow-up horrific Joel Schumacher films I honestly can't even think of any sort of detective work those two Batman worked through. When we got the reset with the Nolan trilogy the only detective work I could think of across the entire trilogy was when he reconstructed a bullet fragment to discover a fingerprint to track down a potential cop killer. Across three films that was the only detective work I can think of that Batman was involved with. The Batfleck, I'm stumped at any sort of detective work that he did.  He was easily the most brutal Batman where he just would pop up and start butchering Henchman.

I laugh at the thought that as the film series continues, the less and less actual detective work Batman does and instead confronts villains with full force on force.  In fact, the trailers for the latest film show the bat walking, WALKING directly into automatic gun fire.  I'm already rolling my eyes at that and I haven't even seen the context  The ideology that he would never kill or take a life gets murkier when clearly his actions have led to deaths of countless henchmen.  

Even more outlandish is just how utterly incompetent Gotham PD is. How much contempt for police do the writers and directors hold to make them a minor step up from Keystone Cops level of incompetence at every turn that the Batman is their only savior?  I think to the Nolan trilogy especially when the chief of police sends the entire force into the sewers searching for the villain. Who on earth would do that? That's an insane level of incompetence.  Follow that up with the massive turnout between police and villains on the streets of Gotham where the police are all showing up en masse, out in the open on a public street facing down villains who have armored vehicles? Real world, it would have been a slaughter. 

Yet we continue to suspend disbelief. Because, let's face it, the whole story revolves around a multi-billionaire Playboy who decides to dress up in a rubber latex suit and fight criminals at night.

With Friends Like These - Vol. V

She was a walking contradiction. Looking at her she looked like a hippie chick pulled straight from the 1970s. Bell bottoms, wife beater and long straight hair. Kind of like Cher had back in the day only this chick was a blonde.  She loved the Mary Jane, and as I later came to discover, she was very free spirited I guess would be one word for it. I don't want to slut shame anyone but, I mean, you got to call a spade a spade. This girl hooked up with at least, minimum five or six guys from our friend group. And her choice of guys, was really very suspect. I would venture to say three of them would not have stood a chance with any other girl in that group. Even though two of those guys were actively, aggressively trying to hook up with multiple girls from that friend group. I was not one of them! I have to be honest I was never attracted to her, never interested in her, which is probably why we became friends. Because we never crossed that line. Ironically it may be because of that that she end up becoming friends with a girl who I was FWB with one and then a few years later she introduced me to a girl I ended up dating for a while. And boy that girl told me all kinds of dirt that I hadn't known about the hippie chick and random guys she'd hook up with. Including a co-worker and was later invited to that dude's wedding. Lol

But the reason I mention this whole hippie, free-spirited attitude that she had is, because politically, she leaned very much to the right. Ultraconservative, like I know she was pro W back in the day. 

But anyway the reason we ended that friendship had everything to do with my breakup with her friend. 

There were some things I confided with hippie chick because I felt since she was friends with my soon-to-be ex that she could maybe let my ex know it's a lost cause stop wasting everyone's time. Don't make it more difficult. That's what I assumed she would have done. Instead she told my ex everything I was telling her and what she needed to do to try and win me back.  And I found out because of what I mentioned the other day, chumming the water. They were a little bits of information that I gave hippie chick that when my ex wanted to come and talk, have a sit down she brought up those points that there's no way she could have known unless she had been prompted to mention them. It was clear to me she had picked her side.