Happiest Place on Earth

 Growing up in the shadow of Disneyland, almost literally...  No, really.  We grew up in Stanton, a straight shot down Katella from The Magic Kingdom.  Summer nights we would walk to the corner towards the park and have a fairly clear view of Disneyland's nightly fireworks in the distance.  Only dreaming of being in the parks and just having to look straight up to see the bright and blinding lights overhead.  Sometimes when dad was feeling especially generous, and our relatives from Texas happened to be in town, he'd load up everyone in the van, my uncle's station wagon, and we'd head to the Disneyland hotel to watch the Dancing Waters show.  It's funny, when the World of Color show finally premiered at Disney's California Adventure, it immediately brought back memories of the old Dancing Waters show at the hotel.  Literally just fountains of water with lights of color projected through them and choreographed to music.  The waterfall footpaths we'd wander around.  And for a few of the braver kids, we'd load up into the glass elevator on the outside of the hotel tower and ride it up to the top floor restaurant/lounge.  The brief, seconds-long ride would give us the best views of the park.  Even just a glimpse of the mountains,, The Matterhorn, Space Mountain and the newly opened Big Thunder Mountain.  Splash Mountain wouldn't open for another 20 years.  Once we'd reach the top floor and the doors opened, the host would smile kindly, let us know we needed reservations and send us back down.  

Sometimes, just sometimes, we might get treated to a ride on the monorail.  Back then, you didn't need park admission to ride it, but you also weren't allowed to disembark at the Tomorrowland station.  You're in the bubble leading or trailing vehicle and just got the greatest tease ever.  A ride THROUGH Disneyland.  So close, and yet, so far...  

As I've said, Disneyland was just a special treat for us.  I keep thinking back to how much, or rather, how little money dad made.  Even for the 1970s and early 80s, he didn't bring home all that much.  But he still did his best to keep us as close to having a 'normal' life as kids as he could provide.  This included visits to Disneyland, maybe once a year for our birthdays.  And believe me, we always looked forward to those trips.  Even as I was getting old enough, and maybe needed a bike to ride to and from school...  By this time, I was already getting bussed to Patton elementary for my GATE classes.  And Dad wanted me to have my own bike, maybe for exercise, maybe he wanted me to get out and about more often.  This one particular year, he even strongly suggested that for my birthday, he would buy me a new bmx bike.  Probably a Huffy or a Kent.  I declined.  I wanted that Disneyland trip once again.  Spending a day at the park with my little brother and sister was more important for me than a bike that I was only going to get to use.  Years later, I was reminded of that bike when I found out my nephew, Jordan, wanted to go to Disneyland for his birthday and he saved up enough money not only for his own admission but he saved up enough to pay for his older brother, Christian, to join him.  

I can vaguely remember some of my earliest trips.  Just flashes of moments in the recesses of my mind.  But I can recall riding the People Mover and the Tron tunnel part of the ride.  Felt like we were in the movie for those few moments.  I remember the Sky-way and riding through the Matterhorn.  The old Adventure Through Inner Space where Star Tours sits now.  I remember the Motor Boat Cruise ride and how Autopia had two completely different ride entrances.  One in Tomorrowland, which still exists and the old Fantasyland side of the ride.  Mission to Mars before being gutted and turned into a lousy pizza restaurant.  

I remember riding Star Tours the summer it opened, 1987.  I had just turned 15, with me were a couple cousins and my brother.  The wait time was something like 3 hours.  No fast passes, no lightning lanes, nothing but the wait.  And after about an hour, Carlos started to get fussy.  What 12-year-old is going to want to continue to stand and wait.  Before long, he was ready to bail and I refused.  We'd already waited 90 minutes, we're halfway through.  Then he started to cry and I was about ready to give him something to cry about.  It was a battle but he wasn't going to win.  lol eventually, after we finally got through the ride an hour and a half later, we were all smiles and I asked him after all that, "Was it worth it?!"  He embarrassedly dipped his head, and with a smile, "yeah..."  
23 years later on a trip to the park with my sister, her family and our parents, mom and dad finally got to experience Star Tours for themselves.  The wait time was nowhere near 3 hours by then but mom and dad loved the ride just the same.  They were practically giddy coming off it.  

Many of my favorite moments in life happened in those parks.  Riding Monster's Inc. with my nieces and hugging my niece and declaring, "Oh, you're my little Boo!" coming right off the ride, her hugging my arm right back and saying, "and you're my Kitty!"  Every time I hear the opening strains of the Main Street Electrical Parade, the corners of my mouth start to turn up until it's silly grin covering my face.  The first real roller coaster I ever rode without dad sitting next to me was Space Mountain.  I was maybe 11.  In line was me, Dad, my little brother and our aunt, Lucy.  Lucy was 15, Carlos was 8 and I asked Dad if I could ride with Carlos.  Dad was a little taken aback that I asked and also a little proud that I wanted to go on without him.  He made sure to tell mom once we met back up with them.  

I remember the changeover from the ride ticket coupon books to 'unlimited' passes.  Mom had countless ticket books at home filled with A, B and a few C unused tickets still attached.  D and E tickets were always the ones used up first.  I mean, who wanted to spend an A ticket to ride the firetruck up Main Street?  The early days of the unlimited passes, Disney asked you wear the pass, attached by a safety pin usually.  This is so that the ride attendants wouldn't bother to ask for your ticket before boarding.  

How many people have come and gone through my life and Disney happened to be a central part of the story.  The countless people I met and departed in the moments I was in the park, a thousand little interactions, mostly good.  The family from Seattle who were boarding the train at Tomorrowland station and suddenly needed to exit so their son could use the restroom.  I stopped them and let them know that if they rode through to New Orleans Square, their intended destination, they could exit there and immediately to the right is a restroom.  Yes, I knew the parks layouts so well. I could direct you to the nearest restroom regardless of where in the parks you happened to be at any given moment.  
Or the people who were around a little longer, some good, some bad.  Ex's and potential ex's, future ex's lol...  You get the idea.  I always said Disneyland was actually a GREAT first date idea because you get to see your intended at their best and potentially at their worst, all within the span of a day.  How much can they allow themselves to enjoy being in the moment?  Will the music or a churro make them smile?  How will they deal with the high stress situation of being surrounded by thousands of people, screaming kids, random strangers bumping into you while you've been on your feet all day.  It's the ultimate stress test.  
One particularly bad first date, this girl had been hyping herself up as being the better Astro-blaster shooter than I was.  I never told her that my best score was over 2 million, I just let her jabber away.  Mind you, even before this, she was practically planning on us being together for a while, Disneyland was just going to be our First date of many to come.  Eh, we'll see.  By the time we met up, something changed in her attitude and after I handily beat her at Astro-Blasters, her attitude went from bad to worse until she finally stopped in front of the Golden Horseshoe, she turned, said to me, "You know, this isn't going to work out."  I just said, "Oh, thank God." turned and walked away.  
Conversely, meeting a girl waiting in line on opening day for Guardians of the Galaxy.  We spent the entire 90 minutes talking and after the ride, she went to her shift at some restaurant in Hermosa Beach and I never saw her again.  

Oh, I've also made some great friends along the way.  A few have even managed to remain friends to this day.  Not a whole lot but quality over quantity matters the most.  Riding Tower of Terror multiple times in the final weeks before they shut it down for the Guardians overlay.  Opening Day of Avengers Campus and the hours long lines to get into the area after already riding the Spiderman ride first thing that morning.  Paint the Night, When can we do this again?  Even going to the parks with my friends and family and their own kids...  Nieces and nephews...  

And after nearly 20 years as an annual passholder, it finally reached their breaking point for me.  Cost-wise, the restrictions on the use (reservations), and uncertainty in my own life, I just couldn't continue.  

But this isn't goodbye.  It's been too ingrained in my life, in the story of Louie.  Hell, the story of how I was labeled King Louie is also a Disney story,  This isn't goodbye.  But it is so long for now.  
See you real soon...  

B's and J's

I met Jay back during my Match dot com days. Probably around 07-08. I was still living at Chaucer. Just HOW Jay and I started communicating was unusual in that, she made the first move. You see, my Match filter was set to 10 years younger and older.  Which meant she was in her early 20s at the time, I don't recall exactly but 23 sounds about right.  Being that I was still in my mid-30s, I didn't think much about it when she slid into my DMs and we actually started talking about baseball before anything else. She was an Angels fan as I was, so that became the topic of our conversations to start. Although once I saw her age, I kind of wrote her off as anything more then a friend who liked baseball and we made plans to catch a game. Meet at the stadium since she was living in HB at the time. 

We get to the game, introduce ourselves lol and just enjoy the game and chatting about things when somehow she steered the conversation to oral sex. Huh?  Ok, I guess we're going there. She eventually got to a point where she declared that she gave the best BJs. I had to stop her there when I started laughing. I had to let her know that pretty much every girl thinks they give the best blowjobs. 

"But every guy I've ever given head to told me I was the best!" 

Girl, you think ANY guy is going to tell you to your face that you suck at sucking?  In that moment, every guy will tell a girl the exact same thing if he thinks there's a chance he might get it again. Oh, she was not happy after that. But at the same time, I'm pretty sure I know why she took the conversation that direction. And for the next several months, whenever we'd meet up for a game, she would eventually start talking about sex again, even hinting that she was a cam girl on the side. Jay, that's actually NOT going to get me to want to hook up with you any more or any less. She was never any sort of romantic or even purely physical interest for me. I wasn't about to hit it just to get myself off. Even if she seemed up be an eager participant. 

We still stayed friends and after I moved up HB a year or two later, she really amped up her efforts. Inviting herself to my complex's pool on more than a few occasions and trying to get my attention back at my place while we were cleaning up. 

In my mind, we were just friends because we'd still roast each other, goofing around but it wasn't until we got into a game of keep away over her phone and it suddenly turned into a wrestling/tickling match that really escalated and before we knew it, we were on top of one another panting heavily, my hands just inches from some very dangerous ground. We paused, staring into each other's eyes for, it must have only been a few seconds but felt like minutes, and I slowly, carefully pulled my hands back, unstraddling her as I did. 

We didn't say much after that as I gave her her phone back. After a few minutes to catch her breath, she left for home. 

We didn't hang out as much after that. At least, she didn't come over to my place anymore. She actually ended up moving even closer to my place and invited me to stop by for a visit, often. I never made it over there even though her place was RIGHT BY my office. Literally, I drove past her complex every day on my way to and from work. And despite all that, the breaking point for her, her final straw was when I posted a Facebook group invite to a Spazmatics show at The Shore/Sachi, whatever it was called at the time. It wasn't directed at her but she decided to blow up about it on that Facebook post. Complaining that I never invite her. She wanted a direct invite from me, not a group obituaries. And that even if she went, she would feel unwelcome, as if I didn't want her there. I'd like to remind everyone we never dated, we never hooked up, not even kissed, I can't even remember many hugs hello or goodbye. Maybe that's why she thought I didn't want her there, because I am a hugger. 

We pretty much stopped talking not long after that. Incidental contact mostly since then. She married the guy she started dating while living in that place near my office. They've got 2 kids. Good for her. As long as she's found someone to love her back. 

Gravitational Forces

 The other day I was randomly thinking about a former Friend-with-Benefits situation I had.  This girl I met years ago online.  Match, I think?  It was a quick few messages and I ended up inviting her to play for my coed softball team, Surrender the Booty.  She came out for one game and her first plate appearance knocked a fly ball into shallow left field, just past the shortstop position.  I was coaching 3rd at the time and watched the ball drop neatly on the grass.  I was clapping for what was clearly a hit and I turned to look at first expecting her to be standing there...  No.  I looked back to the batter's box to see her picking herself up off the ground and dusting herself off. Seems she slipped running out of the box and never made it to first.  Womp-womp-waah...  

Anyway, that was the only game she made it out to and we went on a couple of dates a few times after that but it never really clicked between us, so we agreed we could just be friends, hang out, do stuff with.  She was originally from back east and had only been living in California for less than a year when we met.  She was cute, no doubt.  Otherwise I never would have asked her for a date to begin with.  Yes, I'm that shallow.  Redhead, like a thick, curly mane of red, blue eyes, turned up nose and almost as tall as me.  And besides that, she had a body.  I wouldn't go so far as to say she was full-figured but she definitely had curves in all the right places.  That was especially true of her booty.  That's where the title of this particular story comes from.  When we would sometimes be walking back from being out and about, and odds are neither of us were entirely sober especially her since she LOVED to celebrate 420!  OMG, this girl would so rarely be fully sober whenever we'd be hanging out.  I distinctly remember several times she would wake and bake.  Literally roll out of bed, go to her living room where her bong was, grind some herb and hit the pipe a few times before we'd go back to doing what we were doing before.  Yes, she was extra intimate when she was buzzed.  And seeing as how at the time, I was the recipient of this increased intimacy, I wasn't about to complain.  

Anyway, as I was saying the title of this post is because when we'd be walking back from wherever, neither of us keeping a straight line, we would occasionally bump into each other and she'd declare; "See, my ass is so big, it's got it's own gravity!" Sometimes I'd 'scream' helplessly as I was pulled into it again.  

It's weird thinking back now since it's been at least 15 years since this all first started.  We were like a sine wave in how we'd hook up, FWB for a few months then out on our own separate ways for a year or two then we'd randomly run into each other and do it all over again.  What's funny is that, in a short span of time when she was meeting and hanging out with the group of friends I made when I got to HB, she was totally hands off, keep our distance from one another when we were with the group.  But as soon as we were out of their sight, she'd be inviting me over to her place for some nookie.  

I think the only time anyone ever really suspected something was going on between us was during a beach party I organized for the group.  Everything was going great, I was talking up another girl who I was hoping to get together with when Red blew out her knee.  She mentioned an old injury before that if she planted her foot wrong, her knee would give out.  Sure enough, someone brought hula-hoops, she went to try one and the next thing you know, she's laying in the sand holding her leg.  Knee blown out sideways.  Looked brutal to be honest.  Lifeguards came over and put a cardboard cast on her but she refused to leave the party.  Only taking some really potent stuff another girl brought for pain relief.  800mg of something  Vicodin, I think.  
Red took the Vicodin and tried washing it down with a cup of red wine.  What??!  No, you can't wash that down with wine!  And she kept trying to sneak it past me.  But since she was hobbled up, it wasn't too hard to stop her.  Until another girl thought; "What's the harm?" and gave her the cup behind my back.  About 30-45 minutes later, we all got to see what the harm was in that as Red decided she was ready to go home.  And tried to stumble her way to her car.  No way, you're in no condition to drive.  Someone suggested she could follow her since they were both going back to the IE and that almost would have worked except Red's cognitive decline was accelerating.  She was loopy by the time we made it from the sand to the parking lot.  Nope, she's not driving.  No way she'd make it in her condition.  So the next logical step for me was to take her back to my place and let her sleep it off.   I was pissed because this pretty much blew my chances with Paola that night.  And now I was trying to pack up all my shit from the beach party, get some dude to drive her car to my place while I'm apologizing to everyone for having to bail out early.  The bonfires were just getting started, that's how early we were in the evening.  

I'll never forget having just buckled her into the passenger seat, going back to pick up my EZ-Up and when I got back, she wasn't there.  fuck...  I put the EZ-Up away and started looking up and down the beach for her when Steve shot back at me, she's right here.  I looked back and he was pointing into my car's passenger side.  What?  I went over and there was Red, somehow managed to squeeze herself into the footrest space of passenger side.  This tall, curvy girl with the banged up knee was someone able to fit herself into a space that, sober, there's now way in hell she could have done it.  Facepalm moment for sure.  

We get back to my place, Steve helps me with her up the stairs, I dump her unceremoniously on the couch and drive him back to the beach, thanking him the entire way and in the back of my mind praying Red doesn't do anything stupid or damaging to my place while I'm gone.  

By the time I got back to my place, Red had managed to move herself from the couch to my bed.  Fine, it's not like she's unfamiliar with the territory anyway.  Seeing she was ok for the time being, I unpacked what I could from my car, got in the shower to wash off the sand, sweat and sunscreen and set out some water, Tylenol and a barf bag/pail for Red figuring she was going to need some of them at some point, and settled in for sleep when she got up and had to go.  Like, go to the bathroom.  I helped her to the door and she partially closed the door for a little privacy.  Funny that even in that condition, she seemed modest.  At least until she finished, got back into bed and decided her clothes were uncomfortable.  She tossed and turned for a bit as she stripped off her shirt, shorts and pretty much everything else she had on.  After a few minutes struggle, she was laying naked, spread eagle face up wearing only the cardboard splint the lifeguards had put on her earlier that afternoon.  Considering how much she had bent the thing with all her walking around, tucking into the floorboard space in my car and flailing around she was doing on my bed, I was honestly surprised it was still holding on.  

When all was said and done and she seemed to finally drift off to sleep, I looked at the time.  9:30...  9:30 on a Saturday night with everyone else I knew still out on the beach enjoying the bonfire and here I was babysitting Red.  

We saw one another less and less and she eventually started dating a friend of a mutual friend.  Moved in with the guy when she lost her job and when they broke up less than a year later, she moved back to Jersey.  We briefly reconnected online a couple of years before the pandemic.  She was engaged to a guy, living together at her place.  She seemed happy.  Until she kicked him out the summer of 2019.  He wasn't driven enough for her.  She wanted him to have bigger goals in life.  We talked for a bit about her coming out to visit maybe late Spring 2020.  Then the world shut down.  And while that happened, she also reconnected with a dude she originally met on Match right around the time we first dated.  She called him: The One That Got Away.  Shit lady, if that dude still has your phone number after 13-14 years or so and waited until the world shut down before he reached out to you, I'd say that's some really weird(desperate) timing.  But if you're going to be spending time with him, I bow out.  Once I told her that, she fully blocked me on social media.  That happens often, oddly enough.  Not just unfriending but a full block.